Addiction affects every part of an individual’s life. It also affects their circle of family and friends. Whether a person is struggling with drug addiction, substance use disorder, gambling addiction, or pornography addiction, they often feel isolation and loneliness, along with feelings of shame and hopelessness. Those around them may feel helpless or even betrayed, not knowing what to say or do. It’s important to remember that a person struggling with addiction needs to feel acknowledged and genuinely heard. In this article, we’ll talk about how to support someone coping with an addiction. We’ll share suggestions for listening without judgment and creating a safe space of trust and understanding.
Understanding Addiction
What is an addiction? According to the National Institutes of Health, the definition of an addiction is a condition of being addicted to a substance, thing, or activity.
What are the two main types of addictions?
- Addiction may be related to drugs or a substance characterized by a repeated desire to take the drug despite its harmfulness.
- Nonsubstance addictions don’t involve a drug, but there can be similar behaviors as someone taking a drug. Addictions could be food addiction, internet addiction, gaming, sex addiction, pathological gambling, or mobile phone addiction.
Is addiction a disease? Yes, according to the Cleveland Clinic, it’s a chronic condition and a brain disorder. It’s not from making bad choices or a lack of willpower. An individual’s brain chemistry can change with addiction. But when you slow down or stop using the substance, suddenly, because these substances aren’t accessible, there is an imbalance in your body’s systems. It takes time for your body and brain to adapt and function without the substance that causes the withdrawal symptoms.
What does a person living with addiction struggle with? If you’re coping with addiction, you may struggle with lots of feelings such as fear, shame, and hopelessness. This is very normal, but it’s important not to believe everything you think or feel. Your thoughts and feelings are valid, but they can distort the truth about yourself and your recovery.
Surround yourself with people who will genuinely support and help you. Don’t try to go through recovery alone. Of course, you must remember to make your own decisions; don’t rely on others or feel pressured into agreeing with their opinions.
How to support someone coping with addiction? How you support someone coping with addiction depends on the nature of your relationship with them. Family members and loved ones may be involved in a way that co-workers or friends aren’t. Regardless of your relationship, sincere support should allow them dignity without judgment, along with encouragement and meaningful boundaries when necessary. If you’re serious about supporting them, here are ways to acknowledge, encourage, and listen to them.
If you’re a family member: It’s extremely difficult as a family member to watch a loved one struggle with addiction. You may feel overwhelmed, angry, scared, and helpless. Such feelings can motivate you to say and do things that aren’t helpful to the individual. So, before you try to help, make sure you’re processing your own feelings and getting support for yourself.
Active listening: You can provide meaningful support for your loved one by active listening. Active listening includes four steps.
- Attempt to understand rather than be understood- listen to understand what is being said or not said. Resist the urge to get your loved one to understand you. Say less, but collect information so that when the time comes you’ll be able to speak with understanding.
- Resist judgment- an empathetic listener shows emotional intelligence. Your loved one may not want to tell you about their addiction struggles if they fear your judgment, especially if there have been arguments in the past. If you’ve been judgmental in the past, acknowledge your regret, ask for forgiveness, and voice your desire to put away your judgments.
- Give the other person your undivided attention- look at your loved one’s face as they speak. Give them your undivided attention and actively listen to affirm them. Use positive body language to show you’re engaged. Lean in, have a relaxed open posture without crossing your arms or legs, and nod your head. Your expression should mirror theirs to show interest. One note is that too much eye contact can appear aggressive, so move your eyes occasionally.
- Use silence to listen better- silence is an effective way to listen. You can learn a lot by staying silent. Give your loved one time to gather their thoughts. Don’t interrupt them. If they pause, resist the urge to fill the space. This can shut them down. Use your body language to show you’re listening, or say non-words such as “Uh, huh.” Be sure to pay attention to understand how they’re feeling, what their fears or concerns are, and what they need.
What about healthy boundaries?
Of course, as a family member, you may need to create healthy boundaries to protect everybody involved so you don’t inadvertently support the addiction. Set clear, consistent boundaries. Encourage them to get professional help and treatment. Celebrate their progress, even if small, and be patient if there are setbacks. The recovery journey takes time, but family support is significant for someone coping with an addiction.
If you’re a spouse:
Being the spouse of a loved one coping with addiction is extremely challenging. You may struggle with confusion, grief, fear, or anger. The effects of the addiction wear down your relationship. It can cause money problems and difficulties as a parent if there are children. It’s crucial that you get the support and care you need so you can support your spouse or loved one in a healthy way. Be an active listener and support their recovery with compassion and understanding. You may need to set healthy boundaries so you don’t enable their behavior. Encourage them to get professional help and treatment. You are not expected to live with abuse or unsafe behavior. If this is happening, find somewhere safe to live for as long as you need.
If you’re a friend:
Friends can be especially supportive of someone coping with addiction. They don’t have the emotional baggage that family members have, but they have a significant connection in the person’s life. The best support you can give a friend is to be a good listener and let the person know they’re more than an addict. Resist the urge to criticize or joke about their addiction. Express concern, and kindly urge your friend to seek help when it’s appropriate. If needed, you may need to set a healthy boundary for your well-being and theirs and to avoid enabling their addiction. Peer support is important, and your consistent encouragement through your friend’s recovery journey is immensely important.
If you’re part of the community:
Church, sports teams, or other community groups can also play a significant role in supporting someone coping with an addiction. Showing understanding while supporting their progress can be huge. Telling them you’re praying for them or inviting them over for a meal can help make them feel accepted. The person struggling with addiction may not want to talk about what they’re going through with you, and that’s okay. Give them space and be ready to listen if asked.
Helpful phrases for someone struggling with addictions:
Compassion is always more effective than criticism when you’re supporting someone struggling with addiction. If you want to show support, use these compassionate phrases.
- Thanks for being honest with me.
- What you’re saying makes sense.
- What you’re going through sounds incredibly difficult.
- I hear you.
- You’re not alone.
- I’m here to listen to you.
- How can I support you?
- I’m grateful you told me.
- What you’re feeling matters.
What Not To Say To Someone Struggling With Addiction:
Be careful to avoid these phrases when talking to someone struggling with addiction. Supporting someone coping with addiction can be key to their recovery.
- Everyone has problems; you’re no different.
- It’s all in your head.
- You can stop if you really wanted to.
- You just need willpower.
- Stop making excuses.
- You’re a failure.
- It’s your fault.
- You’ll never change.
- If I were you, I would….
Frequently asked questions:
What is the best way to help someone with a drug addiction? How to help will depend on your relationship with the person. If you’re a family member, spouse, or close friend, gently encourage them to seek professional help. Be a sounding board for them, but if necessary, set healthy boundaries so you don’t enable their addiction.
How do you talk to someone struggling with addiction? A good rule of thumb when you’re talking to a person struggling with addiction is to listen to understand. Actively listen so they feel your acceptance.
How can I encourage someone to seek treatment? It depends on your relationship with the person whether you can suggest treatment. If you’re a family member, spouse, or close friend, they might be more willing to listen and not feel judged.
How do I help someone who doesn’t think they have an addiction?
If someone you’re close to has an addiction they won’t acknowledge, you can let them know that you’re concerned without expressing judgment.
- Be a learner. Do your research about what you think they’re addicted to, so you can better understand and be able to ask good questions.
- Find a good time and place to talk to them privately.
- Make sure you have enough time for both of you to discuss the topic.
- Explain your concerns.
- Try not to make it overly emotional. This can cloud your message-it’s about them, not how you feel. Your feelings are valid, but it may not be the right time to express them.
- Be specific about times you noticed what seems to be an addiction.
- Tell them you’re concerned without sounding judgmental.
How can I acknowledge someone’s addiction without judging them? Looking down on or condemning someone can destroy your relationship. Your friend may feel shame or guilt. Do a quick self-evaluation as to why you are judging them. Perhaps you’re feeling helpless and expressing it in a way that comes across as judgmental. It’s a challenge to watch someone you love go through addiction, so don’t feel bad if you’re reacting this way. It’s a process for everyone.
